Demanding Versus Communicating Needs

By Bhavani Kannan
June 18th, 2018

Talking is one of the major parts of dating and relationships. No matter what period of the relationship people are in, communication is essential. In some ways, there are two critical parts of conversation and discussion, and each of these has a lot of depth.

While it may seem simple at first, it gets a little harder in practice to perfect the two parts. The first part of communication is the talking part, and the second is the listening part. Each of these has two separate interpretations. The first is from the person who is doing the talking, and the second is from the person that is doing the listening.

As the person that is talking, things that sound like demands and things that sound like communicating needs are different. It is vital, however, to keep in mind that the person who is listening also has an idea in their head of what communicating needs is, and what making demands sounds like. Often, because the definitions and thoughts about these two things are different, wires can get crossed.

Of course, having open communication and perhaps a prior discussion on what the difference between demanding and communicating needs means to each person can be helpful. Sometimes this is harder than it seems though.

One of the questions that is sent our way often is whether or not making demands is something that is acceptable to do in dating and relationships. Many professionals say that it is the type of demand that determines whether or not a demand is acceptable. For example, not swearing in front of someone’s kids may be an acceptable demand. However, people are not perfect and if an occasional slip happens the best choice may be to let it slide.

All in all, the tone of the conversation can be a deciding factor in whether or not something is a demand or communication of needs. The other factor that may be a difference between the two is whether there is a conversation between two people or not. If the discussion is one-sided with no room for debate, it may go in the demand category. Demands can be tricky, as different people take them in different ways. The safe bet is to go with the communicating your needs as the better option the majority of the time. Get on the phone chat and experiment with this now.